curhat kala penat.

Alhamdulillah Gusti, di masa-masa gila kayak gini aku sek diparingi sehat lan konco-konco sing peduli. at least merasa kayak punya keluarga lain, kayak punya 'rumah'.

kereta senja tujuan jogja

gelap malam dan terpaan angin,

gerombolan manusia dan keramaian

canda tawa serta gurau,

teringat pada satu ingin,

dia yang selalu dalam angan,

adakah kau bersamaku?

lagi berusaha mengingat, memanggil lagi memori. dulu apa ya yang suka saya lakukan kalau mood lagi turun-naik gak tau diri. cokelat udah gak mempan. berbincang sama teman pun udah gak ngaruh. bercengkrama sama keluarga jelas hampir gak mungkin sekolah terminal juga gak disini...... jadi, ada sugesti?

didedikasikan terutama untuk keluarga, sahabat lama&baru

ada orang yang biasa menunjukkan rasa sayangnya bukan dengan kata-kata manis. tapi ejekan. ada juga yang menunjukkannya bukan dengan sikap romantis. tapi apa pun jalan yang kau pilih, dia akan setia menemani. ada orang yang gak bisa dipaksa ngungkapin apa yang dia rasa, tapi semua bisa dibaca dari tingkah lakunya. this kind of people does really exist.

akhirnya kemarin tumpah ruah.

berawal dari curcol-curcol cantik bareng aisy, aku ngajak runaway batu, karena kita sama-sama jenuh nugas dan butuh jalan. kata kresna oke, kata panjen juga oke. nata bilang dia oke juga, ama sampe gak jadi pergi ngopi dan nyisha. kali ini dengan putranti, tapi tanpa andi, tanpa barkah, tanpa bule. tanpa tim hore lah pokoknya. mendadak banget memang. tapi aku butuh jalan.
tau-tau di tengah jalan aisy batal ikut, aku sedih. panjen juga hampir gagal ikut, terus dibujukin sama yang lain, katanya kasian irin. trus aku jadi tambah sedih. emang aku segitu menyedihkannya ya?
akhirnya jadi jalan jam 10. di tengah jalan hujan. batu, dingin, ditambah hujan. aku tambah sedih, soalnya merasa bersalah. I cried. yes, I cried while riding the motorcycle. tapi putranti baik banget (gak akan ku omongin langsung di depan orangnya!). dia nyadar, trus bilang aku jangan nangis dan blablabla sampe akhirnya aku gak jadi nangis. soalnya airmatanya keburu kering saking dinginnya. malah dia nawarin buat tukeran nyetir, tapi yaudahlah, aku kan cewek strong. nyampe sana eh ternyata bianglalanya udah tutup. sedih lagi.
yang niatnya mau curcol-curcolan, becanda ketawa sampe hati enakan lagi eh malah kebawa sedih terus. jadilah aku cuman diem aja sementara yang lain bercanda entah apa.
I was being over cranky these past few days, don't know why and I guess I don't even want to find the reason why. I was over emotional, mellow, cranky, and mushy, especially last night.
anyhow, I thank these guys for understanding me, either because I'm their friend or they feel pity for me, and be there for me when I need them the most.

p.s: runaway semalam tidak semenyenangkan biasanya, but, again, I sincerely thank you :)

p.p.s: postingan ini adalah se-emo-emonya postingan! sampah :))

Kenikmatan menjadi diri sendiri itu high-priced. Mahal gila bok. -anonymous

Heard it somewhere. Quoted it somewhere. Now I understand how it feels like.

just a trash from a dirty mind of mine.

yesterday was a bad day, despite the fact that I was having fun at Nihlah's home celebrating her birthday. I woke up at 5.30 with a dizzy head then prepared all the morning stuffs. including open gate for my papa before he off to work. unfortunately, he wasn't on a good mood yesterday and became such cold-hearted person. and it simpy affected my mama's mood. dang! I knew I was on danger.
so as I have planned on the day before yesterday, me and some friends were going to make a suprise for the birthday girl, Nihlah. as always, I asked for mama's permission before I go. she asked me if I bring the motorcycle or no so I said yes. then she started to doubt me again for reasons that I don't think I would get it. geez I am almost 18, I have my own ID card, I have my driving license, I am responsible enough, I am not a kid, and I hate being questioned! knowing that talk to her in such mood wouldn't work so I simply asked my friend if she could pick me up. right before I go mama asked how would I get there. I said I'd be going with my friend. and she yelled at me, saying that I was blahblahblah like blahblahblah. I didn't say any single thing as always. she's my mother and how come I could shout back at her like a dumbass. moreover, I knew I wasn't wrong. it's always been like this and I'm not sure if they realize this or no, but they spread kinda strange atmosphere to the whole house! as their child, honestly I feel disturbed whenever this kind of situation happens. things getting worse once I got home at the evening. mama sarcastically said that I came home too late (which usually she doesn't even care as long as it still under 8pm and yesterday was still 7.30pm) then papa got home after me, still with such mood. family dinner also didn't go well. they were acting biased and not fair to me~ so annoying. then I walked off to my room trying to not overthink about things that happened but then I realize I couldn't talk to anyone. my mood booster wasn't available. things that entertained me were just a letter from my snail-mail friend and friends talks in twitter. but probably I was just too tired so I couldn't hold my tears and they flew until I overslept. I know I seems overly emotional yesterday and for writing this, but this is my way to release my anger. so I won't save any hatred or even revenge in my brain and heart.
thing that also bothered me lately is I dreamed about my grandma last morning. she passed away around 5 years ago. it was just so weird because no matter how bad I miss her, I have never dreamed about her in past 5 years. I cried heavily in my dream. I miss her. but mama said there's no chances for people who already died to come back to this world even just through dream is not possible. but I am still afraid somehow.

okay, lets close this gloomy story with happiness;

once again happy birthday to dearest best friend, sister, partner in crime, fangirling friend, engineer wannabe, Nihlah Chalidah! may you always stay healthy and happy <:-3 I love you sfm! Nihlah jjang! neomu neomu neomu saranghae!

her birthday cake made by me, indah, wardah, enja, and the twins, anisa-asila.

kata orang-orang kalo lagi jatuh cinta apa aja mungkin dilakukan. sesungguhnya kawan, orang-orang berbohong. buktinya saya mau nguasain chord ini aja gak bisa-bisa. padahal saya maunya nyanyiin ini khusus buat dia di awal tahun. payah ya saya. anyway, could anybody please tell me, hal romantis yang biasanya dilakuin cewek apa sih? kadar kecerewetan cewek itu biasanya gimana sih?

Ps; stalker saya tercinta, plis kalo baca ini jangan ilfil sama saya ya. *lempar bom asap* *kabur*

I still find this attracting..

Dear Departement of Architecture.. Y U NO STOP TEASING ME? 

Well, I've been dreaming to be an architect even since I was child. yet few months ago, a teacher of mine told me that I won't be qualified enough to enter this faculty. and guess what, now I believe that it's going to be super hard for me to get into this faculty. crappppp! it's even sadder when I realize that I think with my brain more nowadays.
then I changed my target into Civil Engineering, still at the same faculty and university. kind of similar with architecture, but they make more public places at least it's what I've read on internet it is..... challenging! I gotta prove that.. I can't go study at Architecture, it is fine. Civil Engineering is more fun!
I know they must be thinking whether I can do it nor no, so do I honestly. but without trying, you know nothing, don't you?

P.s: for my best mate, Nihlah Chalidah, semangat!!!! Mian if I sounds rude or annoying. Just as you know, I know exactly what you feel. I'll always support you, nipeu!

Officially 17.

Annyeong yeorobeun!

long time no open this blog and yea, now I think I gotta change the name of this blog because... NOW I'M NOT 16 ANYMORE! and thats sad. lol~ that's what I called Peterpan-syndrome :P
and about the new name, Shui-chan, it's because I got a crush with a Character named Nakatsu Shuichi in a dorama entitled Hanazakari no Kimitachi. kyahahaaha aren't I pathethic eh?

Yesterday I went to school and got flushed by flour with my classmates! kinda crazy eh -_____-
I got whita all of my clothes, and face, and shoes!! they also gave me bunch of greeting cards, and I know, not all of them wrote it while we have a promise to always do this to everyone on their birthday. but then I think, so what? I'm not their something, I didn't mean much to them, not the special one, or worse, maybe they don't even see me. ha-ha again, I'm being so pathethic.but then who cares with the small number when I actually got more? I have to thank those who found the idea of the flour and birthday surprise, and those who participated, I really really really do appreciate it! I love you guys! and I love surprises! <3


P.s: I'm thinking about making a new blog for fan fiction. I love writing bunch of fanfics! :p

Saturday morning drive

 

was sent mom off to campus last morning, then me and dad took some photos around Jakarta. it surely looks good when there's no traffic! haha but unfortunately, Jakarta without traffic is just a magic.

anyway, did you guys realized that something goes wrong with these pics?

there's something like a line but its colourful on the pics. geeez.......I guess my pocket camera has crashed-__-

daddy offered me a SLR-camera, I want it soo bad yet I know its kinda expensive and I don't feel comfortable if I asked dad to buy me one. and sadly, I have no enough money to buy it TT_________TT

p.s: if anyone interested to buy me one, or give me your ex, or give me the cheaper bargain for this, I'll be sooooooooooo excited and thank you theseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee muuuuuuuuccccchhhhhhhhh!

p.p.s: sorry for blabbering with typing so many alphabets :P

welcome freedom! #1

dudes and dudettes, omg I just can't believe this! tomorrow is gonna be the presentation day of my scientific paper, and this also means that tomorrow is gonna be the last day for doing this shitty things!
after doing this task for years, finally I'm done with this! hellyeah *dance* *dance*

well, wish me luck for this one! sankyyu~

Min-der.

Halo bot, maaf ya lagi-lagi saya nelentarin kamu. but you can blame my school for made me so effing busy #youknowimlying #soksibukbanget #ditimpuk

BGM: Coldplay - Fix You

Do you know how does it feel when you talk to people but they don't hear you.
Do you know how does it feel when you appreciate people but they don't see you.
Do you know how does it feel when people say that you're their friend but when something bad happen to you, those so-called friends act like ignoring you.
Do you know how does it feel to be considered nothing among people.
Do you know exactly how do these feel

the invincible one,

Chairinnisa

note: feeling so inferior and tired. feel like nothing.

Wilder, wilder, and wilder.

Halo robotku sayang, apa kabarnya hari ini?
I'm currently busy with theatre club. The show will be held on May 15, and we're still not ready yet to perform!  This is kinda bad I think..


Hoo ganbarimassu for all of my friends in the club! fighting for my butos! we have to be wilder, wilder, and wayyyyyy wilder then before!
lol, imagine. me, the one who sometimes being loud yet still an introvert, the geek, the one who doesn't like playing but loves to direct, the calm one, ...to perform as a wild-green-giant in a stage?!

No wayyyyy! This is me, and I can do this!

or at least I wish I could do this t(-.-t)

Anggap saja ini lembar pertama

Akhirnya bisa buka blog lagi setelah sekian lama malas menyentuh dunia cyber. Maaf ya bot, sekalinya menyapa kamu malah saya jadi pengennya curhat...
Saya mau bikin perubahan-perubahan kecil yang nantinya (mungkin) berdampak besar buat diri saya. Saya mau jadi orang jujur. Jujur sama nurani, jujur sama hati, jujur sama diri sendiri. Saya capek mendem-mendem masalah sendirian, tapi saya tau diri. Saya bukan tipe ekstrovert walaupun saya sering berkoar-koar dimana-mana. Jadi sekarang saya mutusin buat nyoba untuk curhat sama blog. Bodo amat lah kalo ada orang lain baca, toh namanya juga internet. Lagian, siapa juga yang mau iseng buka blog saya sih?

Jadi kalo kedepannya ada banyak tulisan-tulisan ngaco di blog saya, mohon dimaklumi. Namanya juga remaja, masih labil, haha oke saya pengen banget dibilang muda sih -_- 
Besok saya mau lomba SKJ, apapun yang terjadi saya harus menang! Gamau tau pokoknya kelas saya harus jadi pemenang!

I want to break and free!

let's break the rule! I won't use english this time. I'm galau segalau galaunya until I forget how to speak english (???)
jadi sebenernya alesan gua selalu make bahasa Inggris tiap nulis disini itu buat menambah kemampuan menulis dalam bahasa Inggris, melatih grammar dan vocabnya gitu lah ceritanya. bukan buat pamer-pameran, apalagi sok-sokan. ya buat apa juga gua pamer sih, kayak ya bahasa Inggris gua beres aja, kan nggak.
tapi... bukan itu yang sedang gua permasalahkan sekarang. masalahnya.. masalahnya........ masalahnya ada sama gua. ada di dalam diri gua. ditahan bertaun-taun juga nyesek, lebay deng. tiap kali ngeliat orang lain sukses menggapai mimpinya rasanya gua juga pengen banget ngelakuin hal yang sama. tapi rasanya kalo gua menggapai mimpi gua sendiri nanti mengecewakan harapan orang lain. rempong emang, tapi ya mau gimana-__-

saya punya obsesi, tapi semangatnya hanya basa-basi.
pundak saya menahan beban, tapi tanpa dukungan.
rela kah saya? siapkah saya mewujudkan angan-angan seseorang?
...ikhlaskah saya?

***

buat apa ia mengajariku bermimpi jika akhirnya mimpiku terkikis oleh angan-angannya?

Random : Condition of the bot lately

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Chairinnisa Zakira
Birth Date: June 17th
Current Location: inside my room
Hair Color: not identified
Righty/Lefty: righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: being ignored
Your dream of the perfect date: with someone like Baek Seungjo, oh crap! I must be seems pathetic now

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your thought first waking up: geez... headache
Your best physical appearance: uhm Idk, but they say I have a good teeth and dimples
Your bed time: above midnite
You most missed memory: I can't remember it now, ugh..

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Fanta
McDonald's or BurgerKing: Mcd's, though I seldom buy it lol
Single or Group Dates: single
Adidas or Nike: I dont care about this
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate fosho!
Cappucinno or Coffee: uh-oh... I drink both, dude!

LAYER 5: DO YOU
Smoke: nope
Cuss: nope
Take shower: not yet, lol
Have a crush: errr.. yes.
Like(d) school: definitely!
Believe in yourself: eh, sometimes no
Believe whatever goes around comes around: yes
Believe everything happens for a reason: yes, even Nickhun said that!
Think you're a health freak: nope

why so pink?

I just changed my layout. what do you think, everyone?
lately Im on my unpredictable mood.

***

I kinda hate to admit that I can't stop imagine him,
his eyes..
his smile..
and the way he look at me.

Oh my God, it's so damn for my peaceful freshmen-time!

another spam(s)

ANNYEONGHASEYO CHINGUDEUL~!! (lebih)

ah saya cinta hari ini entah kenapa menyenangkan walaupun tetap harus bertemu pelajaranmatematikaygsayabencisetengahmati hahah ah gua kacau -________-
masa kan ya ceritanya benerannya gw berhasil masuk kelas ipa tapi sampe sekarang gw belom juga suka sama matematika HAHAHAHAH GILA GUA GILA~

oke! kalau fisika saja saya suka lalu knp tidak bisa menyukai matematika?

--- Chairinnisa sijeniusmatematika
(AMIN!)

안녕하세요 친구들~ :D

apa kabar? ihiy long time no post in here deh. begitu pula tumblr yang mulai terabaikan. yah sudahlah toh kan namanya juga saya sibuk sekolah mengejar mimpi (???)

haha nulis apa ya pikiran saya seperti biasa lagi me-random ini khkhkh eniwei mau berbagi semangat nih. tadi kan ceritanya gw ngebuka website ini, klik nah lalu gitu deh gw bacanya mupeng abis hehehe. mamce ini obsesi semakin menjadi. bukannya gw mau berpikir pesimis ya, tapi gw cuma memikirkan kemungkinan terburuknya yang semoga aja ngga akan terjadi ;

apa gw akan gila kalo mimpi-mimpi itu ngga tercapai?

tapi lalu gw menemukan jawabannya sendiri, mungkin lo ngga dapetin apa yg lo mau di kesempatan itu karena (mungkin) Allah punya rencananya sendiri yg pastinya lebih indah dan ngga kebayang sama lo. got it, guys?

Allah ngga akan menguji hambanya dengan sesuatu yg terlalu berat untuk dipikul hambanya.
so, for every broken-dreams, keep struggling! fight for your dreams, buddies!!

yg akan pergi ke negara lain dengan beasiswanya,

Chairinnisa Zakira