just a trash from a dirty mind of mine.

yesterday was a bad day, despite the fact that I was having fun at Nihlah's home celebrating her birthday. I woke up at 5.30 with a dizzy head then prepared all the morning stuffs. including open gate for my papa before he off to work. unfortunately, he wasn't on a good mood yesterday and became such cold-hearted person. and it simpy affected my mama's mood. dang! I knew I was on danger.
so as I have planned on the day before yesterday, me and some friends were going to make a suprise for the birthday girl, Nihlah. as always, I asked for mama's permission before I go. she asked me if I bring the motorcycle or no so I said yes. then she started to doubt me again for reasons that I don't think I would get it. geez I am almost 18, I have my own ID card, I have my driving license, I am responsible enough, I am not a kid, and I hate being questioned! knowing that talk to her in such mood wouldn't work so I simply asked my friend if she could pick me up. right before I go mama asked how would I get there. I said I'd be going with my friend. and she yelled at me, saying that I was blahblahblah like blahblahblah. I didn't say any single thing as always. she's my mother and how come I could shout back at her like a dumbass. moreover, I knew I wasn't wrong. it's always been like this and I'm not sure if they realize this or no, but they spread kinda strange atmosphere to the whole house! as their child, honestly I feel disturbed whenever this kind of situation happens. things getting worse once I got home at the evening. mama sarcastically said that I came home too late (which usually she doesn't even care as long as it still under 8pm and yesterday was still 7.30pm) then papa got home after me, still with such mood. family dinner also didn't go well. they were acting biased and not fair to me~ so annoying. then I walked off to my room trying to not overthink about things that happened but then I realize I couldn't talk to anyone. my mood booster wasn't available. things that entertained me were just a letter from my snail-mail friend and friends talks in twitter. but probably I was just too tired so I couldn't hold my tears and they flew until I overslept. I know I seems overly emotional yesterday and for writing this, but this is my way to release my anger. so I won't save any hatred or even revenge in my brain and heart.
thing that also bothered me lately is I dreamed about my grandma last morning. she passed away around 5 years ago. it was just so weird because no matter how bad I miss her, I have never dreamed about her in past 5 years. I cried heavily in my dream. I miss her. but mama said there's no chances for people who already died to come back to this world even just through dream is not possible. but I am still afraid somehow.

okay, lets close this gloomy story with happiness;

once again happy birthday to dearest best friend, sister, partner in crime, fangirling friend, engineer wannabe, Nihlah Chalidah! may you always stay healthy and happy <:-3 I love you sfm! Nihlah jjang! neomu neomu neomu saranghae!

her birthday cake made by me, indah, wardah, enja, and the twins, anisa-asila.